Neil is a black scientist but no, he does not host Cosmos. He is a 48 year old virgin who can not speak to women in real life. Honestly like Raj from Big Bang Theory, just a stuttering mess. He can manage on a phone apparently, which is how we met on Niteflirt.
After pushing him further than what he originally thought his limits were, Neil decided that our BDSM relationship needed to end. No he didn’t tell me or make it a big dramatic production. He did what many of you do, he quietly took his exit and tried to start life without me.
BUUUTTT.. something went wrong. He would exit his two car garage every morning to an unfamiliar bump across his back tire. A pumpkin.. in the winter. This was very strange of course. He lives in upstate New York and pumpkins just do not keep that well up there. Not moldy or disgusting and yes a real pumpkin.
The first happening seemed just odd, the second was strange but given my reputation, after the 11th he began to try to be 2 and 2 together.
So last night, while taking a few calls from you fetish freaks, Neil calls in. I was immediately excited as it had been a few weeks and since Neil is not a blackmail pet, he is under no obligation to check in. I figured he had been up to something fun but no, instead I was met with a rather irate Neil. A beast I had never met before.
He demanded I stop leaving pumpkins in his driveway.
This was baffling to me as I had NOTHING to do with this. I figured he had been drinking or maybe was on some sleep medication.
He grew even more irate, explaining how sober he was. Without falter in his voice, I began to really wonder what was going on.
I explained again that I was not behind it though I found the idea quite funny.
At this point, honestly I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my eyes. The idea is so annoying and so simple.
Poor Neil though, he was truly upset but couldn’t muster the balls to start screaming. Instead, I heard him sniffle, actually begin to cry out of frustration.
I instructed the poor sap to go outside and look about the frozen ground. Look for tracks of a car, bicycle or feet. I told him about how he can set up a camera to figure out who was behind this on going prank. You would think someone with a PHD would be able to figure this all out but he feared me soo much he dared not look into it, he just assumed.
Once outside, he found a note that got pressed into the snow. It seems someone on his street signed up for deliveries of fresh foods from some obscure and strange service in his tiny town. He was going to call the number in the morning to get it all sorted out.
This sent me back into hysterical tears of laughter.
I HAD to share this with you guys.